Connection Gems
The Connection Gem of the week applies Mindful Compassionate Dialogue to situations in daily life and offers clarity and practical skills. You can find an archive of Connection Gems using the list or search engine below.
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- March 2025
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February 2025
- Feb 27, 2025 Practice Relationship Repair: Skill 3: When you notice the impulses or behaviors that involve defending, justifying, or making others wrong/bad, call a pause to engage your anchor Feb 27, 2025
- Feb 20, 2025 How to Make Space for Everyone’s Pain Feb 20, 2025
- Feb 13, 2025 Practice Relationship Repair: Skill 2: Engage an effective strategy for working with the four alarms before beginning repair dialogue Feb 13, 2025
- Feb 6, 2025 How to Ask for Space Feb 6, 2025
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January 2025
- Jan 30, 2025 Practice Relationship Repair: Skill 1: Distinguish effective repair from common tragic strategies for repair Jan 30, 2025
- Jan 23, 2025 Groundedness and Practice in the face of Political Tragedy Jan 23, 2025
- Jan 16, 2025 Dissolving Shame Regarding Particular Needs Jan 16, 2025
- Jan 9, 2025 Practice Life-Serving Boundaries: Skill 6: Establish a boundary with body language, behavior, or words any time that you would like to change or disengage from an interaction Jan 9, 2025
- Jan 2, 2025 Self-Pity vs. Self-Empathy Jan 2, 2025
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December 2024
- Dec 26, 2024 Practice Life-Serving Boundaries: Skill 5: Identify the signs and symptoms of behavior in yourself or others that don’t support boundaries Dec 26, 2024
- Dec 19, 2024 Sexual Expression: Discerning Needs & Strategies Dec 19, 2024
- Dec 12, 2024 Practice Life-Serving Boundaries: Skill 4: Identify current limiting beliefs that interfere with boundary setting and the expansive beliefs that will support boundary setting Dec 12, 2024
- Dec 5, 2024 Decisions in Partnership: Talk About It or Let It Go? Dec 5, 2024
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November 2024
- Nov 28, 2024 Practice Life-Serving Boundaries: Skill 3: Articulate 3 non-negotiable boundaries that you hold in any relationship Nov 28, 2024
- Nov 21, 2024 The Nuances of Asking for and Giving Advice Nov 21, 2024
- Nov 14, 2024 Practice Life-Serving Boundaries: Skill 2: Identify 3 types of useful boundaries Nov 14, 2024
- Nov 7, 2024 Build a Bridge Before Crossing Nov 7, 2024
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October 2024
- Oct 31, 2024 Practice Life-Serving Boundaries: Skill 1: When saying “no” to someone’s request, identify the needs to which you are saying “yes” Oct 31, 2024
- Oct 24, 2024 A Simple Practice with Reactivity Oct 24, 2024
- Oct 17, 2024 Practice Needs-Based Negotiation: Skill 6: Choose 1-3 strategies from the brainstorm list and refine into specific and doable agreements Oct 17, 2024
- Oct 10, 2024 How to Shift from Demands to Requests Oct 10, 2024
- Oct 3, 2024 Practice Needs-Based Negotiation: Skill 5: Engage creative brainstorming… Oct 3, 2024
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September 2024
- Sep 26, 2024 Is Analyzing Needs Helpful? Sep 26, 2024
- Sep 19, 2024 Practice Needs-Based Negotiation: Skill 4: Begin brainstorming requests when there is a clear sense of shared caring and honor of each other’s needs Sep 19, 2024
- Sep 12, 2024 Freedom from Shame Loops Sep 12, 2024
- Sep 5, 2024 Practice Needs-Based Negotiation: Skill 3: State observations, thoughts, feelings and needs in less than two minutes before asking for a reflection back from the other person Sep 5, 2024
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August 2024
- Aug 29, 2024 How to Shift from Your Head to Your Heart Aug 29, 2024
- Aug 22, 2024 Practice Needs-Based Negotiation: Skill 2: Identify and communicate three ways to set up a dialogue for success: state intention, offer reassurance, plan for safety Aug 22, 2024
- Aug 15, 2024 Empathy & Discernment: Your Stuck Friend (Part 2) Aug 15, 2024
- Aug 8, 2024 Practice Needs-Based Negotiation: Skill 1: Articulate the difference between needs-based negotiation and other common forms of negotiation Aug 8, 2024
- Aug 1, 2024 Self-Connection and Your Stuck Friend (Part 1) Aug 1, 2024
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July 2024
- Jul 25, 2024 Practice Thriving and Resilience: Skill 6: Broaden and build interdependent and supportive relationships within community Jul 25, 2024
- Jul 18, 2024 How to Make Requests in the Face of Criticism Jul 18, 2024
- Jul 11, 2024 Practice Thriving and Resilience: Skill 5: Engage in activities that provide meaning, purpose, and care for others Jul 11, 2024
- Jul 4, 2024 How to Respond to “Your Ranting Boss” Jul 4, 2024
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June 2024
- Jun 27, 2024 Practice Thriving and Resilience: Skill 4: Express 5 positives to every one negative Jun 27, 2024
- Jun 20, 2024 Connecting Even When You Remember Differently Jun 20, 2024
- Jun 13, 2024 Practice Thriving and Resilience: Skill 3: Take action to nourish emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs on a consistent daily or weekly basis Jun 13, 2024
- Jun 6, 2024 Connected Decision Making Jun 6, 2024
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May 2024
- May 30, 2024 Practice Thriving and Resilience: Skill 2: Meet both positive and negative events with equanimity May 30, 2024
- May 23, 2024 Express Anger with Responsibility May 23, 2024
- May 16, 2024 Practice Thriving and Resilience: Skill 1: Describe events using neutral observations May 16, 2024
- May 9, 2024 Getting to Core Needs May 9, 2024
- May 2, 2024 Practice Managing Reactivity: Skill 6: Each time suspicion and mistrust come up for you, ask yourself: What else could be true? Express the benefit of the doubt and check in for clarity. May 2, 2024
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April 2024
- Apr 25, 2024 Interventions for Anger Apr 25, 2024
- Apr 18, 2024 Practice Managing Reactivity: Skill 5: Engage in healing experiences related to tender needs Apr 18, 2024
- Apr 11, 2024 Autonomy & Intimacy as "Tender" Needs Apr 11, 2024
- Apr 4, 2024 Practice Managing Reactivity: Skill 4: Name the differences between useful feedback regarding unmet needs, and blame or judgment Apr 4, 2024
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March 2024
- Mar 28, 2024 Understanding and Recognizing Enmeshment Mar 28, 2024
- Mar 21, 2024 Practice Managing Reactivity: Skill 3: Shift to empathy, self-empathy, or honesty the moment reactivity is identified Mar 21, 2024
- Mar 14, 2024 Finding Freedom in Marriage Mar 14, 2024
- Mar 7, 2024 Practice Managing Reactivity: Skill 2: Identify at least three interpersonal de-escalation strategies Mar 7, 2024
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February 2024
- Feb 29, 2024 4 Keys to Being able to Call a Pause Feb 29, 2024
- Feb 22, 2024 Practice Managing Reactivity: Skill 1: Engage an “anchor” or any regulation strategy when you notice reactivity Feb 22, 2024
- Feb 15, 2024 How to ask for presence Feb 15, 2024
- Feb 8, 2024 Practice Recognizing Reactivity: Skill 6: Identify at least one sign of chronic / unconscious reactivity in yourself Feb 8, 2024
- Feb 1, 2024 3 Types of Practice for Dissolving Self-Doubt Feb 1, 2024
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January 2024
- Jan 25, 2024 Practice Recognizing Reactivity: Skill 5: Identify nourishment barriers Jan 25, 2024
- Jan 18, 2024 A Simple Way through a Repetitive Conflict Jan 18, 2024
- Jan 11, 2024 Practice Recognizing Reactivity: Skills 3 & 4: List from memory the 9 core needs also called "tender needs" Jan 11, 2024
- Jan 4, 2024 Seeing through the Excitement of Reactivity Jan 4, 2024
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December 2023
- Dec 28, 2023 Practice Recognizing Reactivity: Skill 2: Identify the signs of reactivity the moment it arises Dec 28, 2023
- Dec 21, 2023 Traditional Apologies vs. Relationship Repair Dec 21, 2023
- Dec 14, 2023 Practice Recognizing Reactivity: Skill 1: Define and describe reactivity Dec 14, 2023
- Dec 7, 2023 How to Invite a Silent Partner/Friend into Intimate Sharing Dec 7, 2023
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November 2023
- Nov 30, 2023 Practice Self-Empathy: Skill 6: Stay anchored in the compassionate witness while engaged in a self empathy process Nov 30, 2023
- Nov 23, 2023 5 Common Dynamics that Block Connection Nov 23, 2023
- Nov 16, 2023 Practice Self-Empathy: Skill 5 : When you turn your attention toward them, identify universal needs as they arise Nov 16, 2023
- Nov 9, 2023 Interventions for Harsh Internal Language Nov 9, 2023
- Nov 2, 2023 Practice Self-Empathy: Skill 4: When you turn your attention toward them, be able to name feelings (emotions & sensations) as they arise Nov 2, 2023
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October 2023
- Oct 26, 2023 Doable Requests in the Face of Criticism Oct 26, 2023
- Oct 19, 2023 Practice Self-Empathy: Skill 3: Shared humanity— recall that others struggle with the same difficulties Oct 19, 2023
- Oct 12, 2023 5 Ways to Respond to Self-Criticism in Others Oct 12, 2023
- Oct 5, 2023 Practice Self-Empathy: Skill 2: Identify at least 3 anchors / regulation strategies that you can use weekly or daily Oct 5, 2023
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September 2023
- Sep 28, 2023 What Might Be Under the Thought, "I Feel Trapped" Sep 28, 2023
- Sep 21, 2023 Practice Self-Empathy: Skill 1: Identify the differences between self-empathy and other responses to your experience Sep 21, 2023
- Sep 14, 2023 Find Agency with “Falling Out of Love” Sep 14, 2023
- Sep 7, 2023 Practice Honest Expression: Skill 6: When expressing a need, communicate specific doable requests using six aspects of a request Sep 7, 2023
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August 2023
- Aug 31, 2023 4 Steps for Cultivating "Power With" Relationship Dynamics Aug 31, 2023
- Aug 24, 2023 Practice Honest Expression: Skill 5: Identify the difference between universal needs and the strategies to meet them Aug 24, 2023
- Aug 17, 2023 Use Body Language to Resource and Connect Aug 17, 2023
- Aug 10, 2023 Practice Honest Expression: Skill 4: Communicate feelings as connected to needs rather than another’s action Aug 10, 2023
- Aug 3, 2023 Finding Your Way from Judgment to Discernment Aug 3, 2023
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July 2023
- Jul 27, 2023 Practice Honest Expression: Skill 3: Use feeling words to express feelings rather than interpretive words Jul 27, 2023
- Jul 20, 2023 How Anger Can Help or Hinder Jul 20, 2023
- Jul 13, 2023 Practice Honest Expression: Skill 2: Distinguish neutral observations from other types of thoughts Jul 13, 2023
- Jul 6, 2023 Help for Shame Jul 6, 2023
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June 2023
- Jun 29, 2023 Practice Honest Expression: Skill 1: Ask the other person if they are willing to listen before engaging in honest expression Jun 29, 2023
- Jun 22, 2023 Learning to Pause & Resource Jun 22, 2023
- Jun 15, 2023 Practice Empathy: Skill 6: Empathy for Difficulty Jun 15, 2023
- Jun 8, 2023 Tools for Mindfulness of Impact in Dialogue Jun 8, 2023
- Jun 1, 2023 Practice Empathy: Skill 5: Empathy for Celebration Jun 1, 2023
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May 2023
- May 25, 2023 Being True to Yourself in Intimate Relationships May 25, 2023
- May 18, 2023 Practice Empathy: Skill 4: Identify 12 essential aspects of empathy May 18, 2023
- May 11, 2023 The Need to be Seen: Finding Freedom from Overachieving May 11, 2023
- May 4, 2023 Practice Empathy: Skill 3: Use a diverse vocabulary of feelings and needs May 4, 2023
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April 2023
- Apr 27, 2023 Steps for Working With Thoughts That Trigger Depression Apr 27, 2023
- Apr 20, 2023 Practice Empathy: Skill 2: Identify what prevents you from offering empathy Apr 20, 2023
- Apr 13, 2023 Identify and Transform Reactive Vows Apr 13, 2023
- Apr 6, 2023 Practice Empathy: Skill 1: Identify the differences between empathy and other responses to difficulty Apr 6, 2023
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March 2023
- Mar 30, 2023 Transforming Your Inner Critic Mar 30, 2023
- Mar 23, 2023 Practice Appreciation: Skill 6: Offer appreciation five times as often as you express unmet needs or complaints Mar 23, 2023
- Mar 16, 2023 Shifting the “Power Over” Pattern at Home Mar 16, 2023
- Mar 9, 2023 Practice Appreciation: Skill 5: Name the Differences Between Appreciation and What’s Often Confused with Appreciation Like Ego Building, Manipulation, and Praise Mar 9, 2023
- Mar 2, 2023 Markers of Success with Reactivity Mar 2, 2023
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February 2023
- Feb 23, 2023 Practice Appreciation: Skill 4: Express Three Types of Appreciation Feb 23, 2023
- Feb 16, 2023 Brief Description of Chronic Reactivity Feb 16, 2023
- Feb 9, 2023 Practice Appreciation: Skill 3: Empathy for Appreciation Feb 9, 2023
- Feb 2, 2023 Boundaries for Healthy Differentiation Feb 2, 2023
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January 2023
- Jan 26, 2023 Practice Appreciation: Skill 2: Express What's Working Jan 26, 2023
- Jan 19, 2023 How to Hear Another’s Unmet Needs without Defending Jan 19, 2023
- Jan 12, 2023 Practice Appreciation: Skill 1: Express the Definition and Purpose of Appreciation Jan 12, 2023
- Jan 5, 2023 Loving Someone for Who They Are and Still Making Requests Jan 5, 2023
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December 2022
- Dec 29, 2022 How to Make a Relationship a Priority While Maintaining Autonomy Dec 29, 2022
- Dec 22, 2022 Create Choiceful Listening Dec 22, 2022
- Dec 15, 2022 See Old Relationship Dynamics in Intimate Relationships Dec 15, 2022
- Dec 8, 2022 Replacing Blame with Compassion for Impact Dec 8, 2022
- Dec 1, 2022 Healing and Dissolving Chronic Anger Dec 1, 2022
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November 2022
- Nov 22, 2022 Taking Care of Yourself When Visiting Family Nov 22, 2022
- Nov 17, 2022 Find Space between Needs and Strategies Nov 17, 2022
- Nov 8, 2022 Little Hints for Contributing to a Secure Bond with Your Partner Nov 8, 2022
- Nov 3, 2022 Empathy and Strategies for Overwhelm Nov 3, 2022
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October 2022
- Oct 27, 2022 3 Practices to Help with Depression Oct 27, 2022
- Oct 20, 2022 Dissolving the Inner Critic around Spiritual Ideals Oct 20, 2022
- Oct 13, 2022 Steps for Resolving Inner Conflict Oct 13, 2022
- Oct 6, 2022 The Value of a Regular Relationship Check-In Oct 6, 2022
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September 2022
- Sep 29, 2022 Help for the Tender Need of Inclusion Sep 29, 2022
- Sep 22, 2022 Understand and Dissolve Obstacles to Setting Life-serving Boundaries Sep 22, 2022
- Sep 15, 2022 Transform “Thank You” Into a Celebration Sep 15, 2022
- Sep 14, 2022 Healthy Differentiation: Learning to Be Your Authentic Self Sep 14, 2022
- Sep 8, 2022 Practice Mindfulness Without Going Slow Sep 8, 2022
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August 2022
- Aug 25, 2022 A Conceptual Understanding of Disengagement (Avoidance) Aug 25, 2022
- Aug 18, 2022 Differentiate Compassion from Rescuing Aug 18, 2022
- Aug 11, 2022 Understanding Knee-Jerk Negativity Aug 11, 2022
- Aug 4, 2022 Healing and Repair After a Triggering Comment Aug 4, 2022
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July 2022
- Jul 28, 2022 An Understanding of Thriving and Resilience Jul 28, 2022
- Jul 21, 2022 How to Find Your Center Instead of Defending Jul 21, 2022
- Jul 13, 2022 3 Tips for Help with Overwhelm in the face of "Big Personalities" Jul 13, 2022
- Jul 7, 2022 A Path for Responding to Tragic Decisions Jul 7, 2022
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June 2022
- Jun 30, 2022 Overcoming Barriers to Self-Empathy Jun 30, 2022
- Jun 23, 2022 3 Simple Keys for Dissolving Reactivity in Dialogue Jun 23, 2022
- Jun 16, 2022 Changing a One-Way Caretaking Relationship Jun 16, 2022
- Jun 9, 2022 Reclaim Your Authentic Life: Identify and Transform Reactive Vows Jun 9, 2022
- Jun 2, 2022 Finding Freedom from Over Analyzing Jun 2, 2022
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May 2022
- May 26, 2022 Negotiating Boundaries with Mom May 26, 2022
- May 19, 2022 Spotting Unconscious and Pervasive Shame at Three Levels May 19, 2022
- May 12, 2022 Taking Care of Your Heart When Sharing Vulnerability May 12, 2022
- May 5, 2022 Repair: Responding to a Lack of Empathy May 5, 2022
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April 2022
- Apr 28, 2022 Three Considerations for Healthy Bonding Apr 28, 2022
- Apr 21, 2022 Understanding the Obstacle of Limiting Beliefs With Regard to Making Requests Apr 21, 2022
- Apr 14, 2022 Discern the Difference Between Self-Responsibility and Alienating Self-Negation Apr 14, 2022
- Apr 7, 2022 How to Understand Control Apr 7, 2022
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March 2022
- Mar 30, 2022 Discerning Authentic Acceptance from “Shoulds” Mar 30, 2022
- Mar 24, 2022 3 Tenets for Mindful Compassionate Dialogue as a Spiritual Practice Mar 24, 2022
- Mar 16, 2022 Recognize and Manage Reactivity About Your Cause Mar 16, 2022
- Mar 10, 2022 Strategies for Interrupting Habits of Power Under Mar 10, 2022
- Mar 3, 2022 Applying Mindful Compassionate Dialogue to Violence in Ukraine Mar 3, 2022
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February 2022
- Feb 24, 2022 Help for the Cycle of Overwhelm and Withdrawal Feb 24, 2022
- Feb 17, 2022 Empathy for Body Shame Feb 17, 2022
- Feb 10, 2022 The Key to Offering Sustainable Presence Feb 10, 2022
- Feb 3, 2022 Working With Perceptions of Abandonment Feb 3, 2022
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January 2022
- Jan 27, 2022 Understanding Judgment and Criticism Jan 27, 2022
- Jan 19, 2022 How to Create Supportive Conditions for Sharing Vulnerably Jan 19, 2022
- Jan 13, 2022 Snapshot of Self-Empathy With Challenging Feelings Jan 13, 2022
- Jan 6, 2022 A Positive Relationship with Reactivity Jan 6, 2022
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December 2021
- Dec 30, 2021 How to Respect Boundaries and Let Go of Immediate Resolution Dec 30, 2021
- Dec 23, 2021 6 Ways that Support You Being Heard Dec 23, 2021
- Dec 16, 2021 Judgment vs. Discernment with COVID Vaccination Dec 16, 2021
- Dec 9, 2021 Understanding the Difference Between Life-Serving Boundaries and Threats Dec 9, 2021
- Dec 2, 2021 The Basics of Honoring Choice and Preventing Reactivity Dec 2, 2021
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November 2021
- Nov 25, 2021 How to Enter Experiential Doorways of Gratitude Nov 25, 2021
- Nov 18, 2021 Love as a Practice Nov 18, 2021
- Nov 11, 2021 From Obligation to Giving from the Heart Nov 11, 2021
- Nov 4, 2021 Two Basics that Support Conflict Resolution Nov 4, 2021
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October 2021
- Oct 28, 2021 The Basics of Creating a Safe Space for Intimate Sharing Oct 28, 2021
- Oct 21, 2021 What Does It Mean to Be Self-Reliant? Oct 21, 2021
- Oct 14, 2021 Wishing for More Maturity & Skill in Others Oct 14, 2021
- Oct 7, 2021 Keys to Building Trust After Broken Agreements Oct 7, 2021
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September 2021
- Sep 30, 2021 Apologies that Repair Connection Sep 30, 2021
- Sep 23, 2021 How to Interrupt Gossip Sep 23, 2021
- Sep 16, 2021 3 Principles for Teaching Others Your Love Language Sep 16, 2021
- Sep 9, 2021 How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding Sep 9, 2021
- Sep 2, 2021 Basics for Cultivating Intimacy Sep 2, 2021
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August 2021
- Aug 25, 2021 Skillful Dialogue for “Emotional Cheating” Aug 25, 2021
- Aug 19, 2021 To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate - How to Connect with What Matters Aug 19, 2021
- Aug 12, 2021 Compassion for Anxiety Aug 12, 2021
- Aug 5, 2021 Authenticity and Implicit Agreements in Your Family of Origin Aug 5, 2021
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July 2021
- Jul 29, 2021 The Parent / Child Dynamic in Your Intimate Relationship Jul 29, 2021
- Jul 22, 2021 Four Choices for Responding to Indirect Criticism or Judgment Jul 22, 2021
- Jul 15, 2021 Relating to What You Want with Equanimity Jul 15, 2021
- Jul 8, 2021 Balancing Mutuality in Relationships Jul 8, 2021
- Jul 1, 2021 Being Yourself and Asking for What You Want Jul 1, 2021
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June 2021
- Jun 25, 2021 In Solidarity Jun 25, 2021
- Jun 24, 2021 Dating for the Passionate Protagonist Jun 24, 2021
- Jun 17, 2021 Interrupt to Connect When Empathy Isn't Received Jun 17, 2021
- Jun 10, 2021 How to Support Your Partner's Autonomy Jun 10, 2021
- Jun 3, 2021 The Role of the Family Harmonizer and Recognizing Its Unconscious Imperatives Jun 3, 2021
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May 2021
- May 27, 2021 Practicing with Anger May 27, 2021
- May 20, 2021 Finding Freedom with Meeting Needs for Security, Intimacy, & Contribution May 20, 2021
- May 13, 2021 A Process for Changing Habits May 13, 2021
- May 6, 2021 Three Keys for Dissolving Defensiveness May 6, 2021
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April 2021
- Apr 29, 2021 Understanding How Shame Hinders Clear Requests Apr 29, 2021
- Apr 22, 2021 Saying No with Connection and Opening a Negotiation Apr 22, 2021
- Apr 15, 2021 Getting Clear About New Relationships and Old Relationship Dynamics Apr 15, 2021
- Apr 8, 2021 Understanding How Rationalizing Protects Vulnerability Apr 8, 2021
- Apr 1, 2021 How to Communicate about Mixed Messages Apr 1, 2021
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March 2021
- Mar 25, 2021 Understanding Earned Authority and Dissolving Projections through Boundaries and Shared Humanity Mar 25, 2021
- Mar 18, 2021 How to Remain Grounded When Giving and Receiving Admiration Mar 18, 2021
- Mar 11, 2021 Offering Presence for Repetitive Fears Mar 11, 2021
- Mar 4, 2021 How to Distinguish True Caring from Being Charmed Mar 4, 2021
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February 2021
- Feb 25, 2021 How to Stay Grounded in a Reactive Moment: Observing, Anchoring, and Reflecting Feb 25, 2021
- Feb 18, 2021 Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score Feb 18, 2021
- Feb 11, 2021 Healing Worthlessness and Finding Belonging Feb 11, 2021
- Feb 4, 2021 What does it mean to be heard deeply and how can you ask for it? Feb 4, 2021
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January 2021
- Jan 28, 2021 Dissolve Barriers to Love Jan 28, 2021
- Jan 21, 2021 Breaking free of "If Only You Were Different, They Would Change" Jan 21, 2021
- Jan 14, 2021 Understanding and Transforming Anger Jan 14, 2021
- Jan 7, 2021 3 Keys to Emotional Intelligence Jan 7, 2021
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December 2020
- Dec 31, 2020 Talking about the Past & Effective Relationship Repair Dec 31, 2020
- Dec 24, 2020 Emotional Resilience During the Holidays Dec 24, 2020
- Dec 17, 2020 How to Distinguish Appreciation and Praise and Find Connection Dec 17, 2020
- Dec 10, 2020 How to Interrupt Tragic Cycles that Prevent Collaboration Dec 10, 2020
- Dec 3, 2020 Three Layers of Response to Horror Dec 3, 2020
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November 2020
- Nov 26, 2020 Does Shame Help With Accountability? Nov 26, 2020
- Nov 19, 2020 Needs-Based Negotiation: 3 Stages of Dialogue and 3 Types of Reactivity Nov 19, 2020
- Nov 12, 2020 Facing the Holidays in a Pandemic Nov 12, 2020
- Nov 5, 2020 Reminder to Stay Grounded Nov 5, 2020
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October 2020
- Oct 29, 2020 Understanding Selfishness, Self-Responsibility, and Self-Care Oct 29, 2020
- Oct 22, 2020 Two Types of Judgments that Keep Anger Stuck Oct 22, 2020
- Oct 15, 2020 How to Manage Reactivity When Your Partner Is Not There for You Oct 15, 2020
- Oct 7, 2020 Autonomy and Shifting the Language of “Power Over” to “Power With” Oct 7, 2020
- Oct 1, 2020 Grief & Mourning for the World Oct 1, 2020
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September 2020
- Sep 24, 2020 Interrupt Emotional Shut Down Sep 24, 2020
- Sep 17, 2020 Relationship Repair Basics Sep 17, 2020
- Sep 10, 2020 3 Key Communication Principles Sep 10, 2020
- Sep 3, 2020 3 Key Principles for Successful Needs-based Negotiation Sep 3, 2020
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August 2020
- Aug 27, 2020 Transformation Through Directing Your Attention Aug 27, 2020
- Aug 13, 2020 3 Strategies for Working with Worry Aug 13, 2020
- Aug 6, 2020 Signs of Healthy Differentiation with Empathy Aug 6, 2020
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July 2020
- Jul 30, 2020 Communicating and Collaborating About Minor Trauma Symptoms Jul 30, 2020
- Jul 23, 2020 How to Respect Boundaries When Offering Empathy Jul 23, 2020
- Jul 16, 2020 Staying Self-Connected in a Challenging Dialogue Jul 16, 2020
- Jul 8, 2020 Finding Agency and Seeing Shame Jul 8, 2020
- Jul 2, 2020 What Does it Mean to be Sensitive, Not Reactive? Jul 2, 2020
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June 2020
- Jun 25, 2020 Your Partner’s Inner World as Sacred Ground Jun 25, 2020
- Jun 18, 2020 Finding a New Quality of Connection Jun 18, 2020
- Jun 11, 2020 The Mobilizing Power of Anger Jun 11, 2020
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May 2020
- May 28, 2020 Allowing and Repair May 28, 2020
- May 21, 2020 Distinguishing Life-Serving Boundaries from Requests May 21, 2020
- May 14, 2020 The Mechanics of Intention May 14, 2020
- May 7, 2020 Basic Skills for Resolving Conflicts at Home May 7, 2020
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April 2020
- Apr 30, 2020 Offer Empathy Without Getting Exhausted Apr 30, 2020
- Apr 23, 2020 Accessing Wisdom and Resources Through Gratitude Apr 23, 2020
- Apr 16, 2020 How to Listen and Find Aliveness in Containment Apr 16, 2020
- Apr 9, 2020 Finding Security in the Face of Fear Apr 9, 2020
- Apr 2, 2020 How to Resource in the Expansive Perspective Apr 2, 2020
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March 2020
- Mar 26, 2020 Create the Level of Connection You Want: 3 Types of Boundaries Mar 26, 2020
- Mar 19, 2020 How to Stay Calm in a Pandemic Mar 19, 2020
- Mar 12, 2020 Finding Worthiness and Belonging Mar 12, 2020
- Mar 5, 2020 10 Ways to Learn to Identify Your Needs Mar 5, 2020
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February 2020
- Feb 27, 2020 Free Your Heart from the “Difficult” Person Feb 27, 2020
- Feb 19, 2020 Collaboration is a Key Skill for Responding to Stress Feb 19, 2020
- Feb 13, 2020 3 Basics to Prevent Collusion Feb 13, 2020
- Feb 6, 2020 Contributing to Emotional Safety vs. Giving Up Honesty Feb 6, 2020
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January 2020
- Jan 30, 2020 Needs: How to Recognize Reactivity or Confidence Jan 30, 2020
- Jan 22, 2020 Understanding Arguments Against NVC Jan 22, 2020
- Jan 16, 2020 Responding to Unwanted Feedback from Peers Jan 16, 2020
- Jan 9, 2020 What are Requests and How Do They Work Jan 9, 2020
- Jan 2, 2020 Deal-breakers and Staying with Yourself Jan 2, 2020
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December 2019
- Dec 26, 2019 Considerations for Dating Dec 26, 2019
- Dec 12, 2019 Setting Boundaries with Reactivity Dec 12, 2019
- Dec 5, 2019 How to Engage in a Repair Dialogue Dec 5, 2019
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November 2019
- Nov 28, 2019 Emergency Interventions for Escalating Arguments Nov 28, 2019
- Nov 21, 2019 Standing in Your Truth and Setting Boundaries Nov 21, 2019
- Nov 14, 2019 Steps for an Effective Timeout Nov 14, 2019
- Nov 7, 2019 Help for Overwhelm Nov 7, 2019
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October 2019
- Oct 31, 2019 The True Purpose of Appreciation Oct 31, 2019
- Oct 24, 2019 How to Ask for Responsiveness Oct 24, 2019
- Oct 17, 2019 Help for “I Can’t Be Myself in This Relationship” Oct 17, 2019
- Oct 10, 2019 Working with Subtle Boundary Violations Oct 10, 2019
- Oct 3, 2019 How to Make Requests with Confidence Oct 3, 2019
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September 2019
- Sep 26, 2019 What to Do When They Never Want to Talk About It Sep 26, 2019
- Sep 19, 2019 Setting Boundaries with Attraction Sep 19, 2019
- Sep 5, 2019 Grounded Responses for Challenging Comments Sep 5, 2019
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August 2019
- Aug 22, 2019 3 Keys to Skillful Interrupting Aug 22, 2019
- Aug 15, 2019 Prevent Misunderstanding—One Simple Strategy Aug 15, 2019
- Aug 8, 2019 How to Invite Shared Vulnerability Aug 8, 2019
- Aug 1, 2019 Integrating Family of Origin History Aug 1, 2019
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July 2019
- Jul 25, 2019 The Downside of “Staying Positive” Jul 25, 2019
- Jul 18, 2019 5 Considerations for Living a Balanced Life Jul 18, 2019
- Jul 11, 2019 6 Steps to Resolving Conflict Jul 11, 2019
- Jul 4, 2019 The Basics of Life-Serving Boundaries: Relationship Competency 8 Jul 4, 2019
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June 2019
- Jun 27, 2019 Making Requests for Respect Jun 27, 2019
- Jun 20, 2019 How to Meet Hurt and Pain from the Past Jun 20, 2019
- Jun 13, 2019 Bias and Relief from Repetitive Arguments Jun 13, 2019
- Jun 6, 2019 Healing from Betrayal Jun 6, 2019
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May 2019
- May 30, 2019 Compassion for Your Reactivity May 30, 2019
- May 23, 2019 Responding to Criticism: At Work and At Home May 23, 2019
- May 16, 2019 Catch Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics Early May 16, 2019
- May 9, 2019 Being Present for Another’s Anxiety May 9, 2019
- May 2, 2019 The Why and How of Accessing Grief May 2, 2019
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April 2019
- Apr 25, 2019 When You Are Being "Talked At" Apr 25, 2019
- Apr 18, 2019 Inner Conflict and Agreements with Yourself Apr 18, 2019
- Apr 11, 2019 Using an Anchor in Self-Empathy Apr 11, 2019
- Apr 4, 2019 Honor Your Need to Be Heard Apr 4, 2019
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March 2019
- Mar 28, 2019 Practicing Non-reactivity Mar 28, 2019
- Mar 21, 2019 Alarm Feelings: Anger, Guilt, Shame, and Shut down Mar 21, 2019
- Mar 14, 2019 Asking to Be Known Mar 14, 2019
- Mar 7, 2019 Signs of Success with Arguments Mar 7, 2019
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February 2019
- Feb 28, 2019 Understanding Avoidance of Intimacy Feb 28, 2019
- Feb 28, 2019 Resolving Attunement Mishaps Feb 28, 2019
- Feb 21, 2019 Helping Another Find Willingness Feb 21, 2019
- Feb 14, 2019 Grieving The Family You Never Had Feb 14, 2019
- Feb 7, 2019 Dissolving Reactivity with Your Partner Feb 7, 2019
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January 2019
- Jan 31, 2019 Relief from Arguing Jan 31, 2019
- Jan 24, 2019 Secure Differentiation Jan 24, 2019
- Jan 17, 2019 Preparing for Difficult Dialogue Jan 17, 2019
- Jan 10, 2019 Helping with Difficult Emotions Jan 10, 2019
- Jan 3, 2019 Believing in Love Jan 3, 2019
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December 2018
- Dec 27, 2018 Inner Access and Empathic Others Dec 27, 2018
- Dec 20, 2018 Love and Attachment Work Dec 20, 2018
- Dec 13, 2018 Toxic Organizations & the Relief of Observations Dec 13, 2018
- Dec 6, 2018 Empathy vs. Investigation Dec 6, 2018
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November 2018
- Nov 24, 2018 Equanimity And Holidays Nov 24, 2018
- Nov 14, 2018 Authenticity & Aliveness in Greetings Nov 14, 2018
- Nov 8, 2018 Finding Your Way with a Silent Partner Nov 8, 2018
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October 2018
- Oct 31, 2018 Finding Security in Constant Change Oct 31, 2018
- Oct 18, 2018 The Power of Mind & Reactivity Oct 18, 2018
- Oct 11, 2018 Language & Chronic Reactivity Oct 11, 2018
- Oct 4, 2018 Emotional Emancipation Oct 4, 2018
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September 2018
- Sep 27, 2018 Privacy vs. Secrecy & Boundaries Sep 27, 2018
- Sep 20, 2018 The Ability to Reflect & Compassion for Dysregulation Sep 20, 2018
- Sep 13, 2018 Creating an Internal Secure Base Sep 13, 2018
- Sep 5, 2018 The Basics of Joyful Listening Sep 5, 2018
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August 2018
- Aug 29, 2018 Interrupting Escalation Aug 29, 2018
- Aug 22, 2018 When Empathy isn't Received Aug 22, 2018
- Aug 16, 2018 Helping the "Emotionally Intense Person" Aug 16, 2018
- Aug 8, 2018 Boundaries - The Journey to Being Able to Say “No” Aug 8, 2018
- Aug 2, 2018 Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck Aug 2, 2018
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July 2018
- Jul 25, 2018 Inviting Depth in Conversation Jul 25, 2018
- Jul 19, 2018 How to ask for Honesty Jul 19, 2018
- Jul 12, 2018 Competence & Building a Self Jul 12, 2018
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June 2018
- Jun 28, 2018 Angry & Taken Advantage of Jun 28, 2018
- Jun 21, 2018 Preferences, Demands, & Emotional Security Jun 21, 2018
- Jun 14, 2018 When Self Empathy Doesn’t Work Jun 14, 2018
- Jun 7, 2018 Healing a Repetitive Reactive Dynamic Jun 7, 2018
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May 2018
- May 31, 2018 Requests in a Moment of Reactivity May 31, 2018
- May 24, 2018 Stuck Family Roles May 24, 2018
- May 17, 2018 Reigniting Intimacy May 17, 2018
- May 10, 2018 When Honest Expression Loses its Way May 10, 2018
- May 3, 2018 Responding to Anger May 3, 2018
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April 2018
- Apr 20, 2018 Differentiation from Your Parents Apr 20, 2018
- Apr 13, 2018 3 Points of Focus for Personal Transformation Apr 13, 2018
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March 2018
- Mar 22, 2018 Supporting Your Partner's Sense of Inclusion Mar 22, 2018
- Mar 15, 2018 Spiritual Practice in Troubled Times Mar 15, 2018
- Mar 8, 2018 Handling Community Complaints Mar 8, 2018
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February 2018
- Feb 22, 2018 Simple Interventions for Chronic Reactivity Feb 22, 2018
- Feb 1, 2018 NVC & Authenticity Feb 1, 2018
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January 2018
- Jan 18, 2018 Finding Courage Jan 18, 2018
- Jan 11, 2018 Pursuing the Unavailable Partner Jan 11, 2018
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December 2017
- Dec 28, 2017 How to Set Boundaries Early and Often Dec 28, 2017
- Dec 21, 2017 How to Cultivate Presence Dec 21, 2017
- Dec 14, 2017 Authority vs. Power Over / Power Under Dec 14, 2017
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November 2017
- Nov 30, 2017 Common Misconceptions about Empathy Nov 30, 2017
- Nov 23, 2017 One Key to Staying with Empathy Nov 23, 2017
- Nov 16, 2017 Hearing Challenging Comments and Stretching into Love Nov 16, 2017
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October 2017
- Oct 12, 2017 Finding “Okayness” with Chronic Reactivity Oct 12, 2017
- Oct 5, 2017 Hiding Behind Empathy and Asking for Emotional Safety Oct 5, 2017
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September 2017
- Sep 28, 2017 Boundaries with Helping Professionals Sep 28, 2017
- Sep 21, 2017 Contemplative Practice for Healing Sep 21, 2017
- Sep 14, 2017 Contemplative Practice for Spiritual Insight Sep 14, 2017
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August 2017
- Aug 24, 2017 Helpful Hints for Talking about Sex Aug 24, 2017
Practice Relationship Repair: Skill 3: When you notice the impulses or behaviors that involve defending, justifying, or making others wrong/bad, call a pause to engage your anchor
Each MCD Relationship Competency identifies 6 Skills, along with specific practices for learning each. For more context about MCD Relationship Competency 10: Relationship Repair, see Skill 1: Distinguish effective repair from common tragic strategies for repair and Skill 2: Engage an effective strategy for working with the four alarms before beginning repair dialogue.
Skill 3: When you notice the impulses or behaviors that involve defending, justifying, or making others wrong/bad, call a pause to engage your anchor
Before you enter a challenging repair dialogue, make an agreement with the other person that you can call a pause at any time. When a pause is called you maintain silence while engaging in a regulation strategy and anchor. You can download a document describing both of these in our free handouts page of the Wise Heart website.
Practice
Take a moment now to download the regulation strategies table on our website. Choose a regulation strategy that you will access in your next repair dialogue.