Learning to Pause & Resource

Perhaps you don’t typically use the word “resource” to refer to your emotional and spiritual well-being. Resourcing, in the context of MCD, means reconnecting to your source of grounding, nourishment, and wholeness.

Recently a student told a story of how she resourced before a big family meeting. For her, this meant a long walk in the park, connecting with a sibling she was close to before the meeting, having the meeting in a place she felt comfortable in, and reminding herself of what she knew about the true intention (needs) of each person and herself. She was able to attend the meeting in her “resourced self” and experienced a positive connection with her family.

Resourcing can also be simple and in the moment. You can pause a moment in the midst of, or before starting, a difficult conversation. Notice where you are tensing up. Let your shoulders drop, your face relax, sit back in your chair with a straight spine, and take a long deep breath— notice the air filling you, and then exhale fully. Remind yourself of your intention and the intention of the other person. Whatever difficult or confused behaviors someone is expressing, underneath there is always the intention to meet some life giving need.

Pausing early and often keeps the “resourced you” online. When reactivity arises without your mindful awareness it often builds momentum quickly, pulling you into a limited perspective and contracted body. You could find yourself saying and doing things that trigger more disconnect.

You can prevent this by practicing resourcing throughout the day. Teaching yourself to pause in the midst of activity helps free you from habits of tensing up or rehearsing fear. Take a moment right now and look away from this screen out the window, or close your eyes. Resource yourself using the steps above in paragraph three or in your own way.

With those close to you, set up a signal for pausing and resourcing when you notice the interaction isn’t going well. Practice using this signal in a playful way at first so that you can build comfort with it. When the other person gives the signal to pause you might notice irritation at first, wanting to be heard immediately and fully. Experiment with letting the fear and irritation be there and pausing anyway. Invite curiosity about how things shift when you do this practice.

As you create spaciousness in your relationships and in yourself through pausing and resourcing, you will find that you are ever more able to express and hear what's important in a way that creates safety and connection. 

Practice 

This practice pausing and resourcing on your own by setting a timer on your phone or computer to remind you to pause and resource.