Practice Recognizing Reactivity: Skill 5: Identify nourishment barriers
Each MCD Relationship Competency identifies 6 Skills, along with specific practices for learning each. For more context about MCD Relationship Competency 5: Recognizing Reactivity, see Skill 1: Define and describe reactivity, Skill 2: Identify the signs of reactivity the moment it arises, and Skills 3 & 4: List from memory the 9 core needs also called "tender needs."
Skill 5: Identify nourishment barriers
The term nourishment barrier refers to an unconscious habit of body, beliefs, thoughts, words, behavior, energy, and/or decision-making that systematically prevents you from taking in nourishment regarding a particular need. This protective reaction to block any contact with a tender need keeps the need tender. Below find tender needs and examples of nourishment barriers.
Safety: Beliefs like, “The world is a dangerous place.” tensing, escalated heart rate, shallow breathing, scanning for threat, avoiding new experiences
Belonging: Beliefs like, “I’m on the wrong planet,” avoiding social settings, hiding, focus on differences or being special or superior
Support / Nourishment: Beliefs like, “I am all alone,” sunken, collapsed, little energy, focusing on what’s missing or lacking
Intimacy / authenticity: Beliefs like,“I can’t show my true self,” morphing to match a given situation, speaking in vague terms, keeping the focus on the other person
Autonomy: Beliefs like, “I can either express what I want or have love and intimacy, but not both,” refusing to state a preference, focus on harmony at all costs, procrastination
Acceptance: Beliefs like, “I am not doing enough” or “I am not lovable,” attempting to earn love through achievement, focus on winning approval through charm, minimizing differences in favor of agreement
To be seen/heard: Beliefs like, “I am invisible,” yelling, using a harsh tone, wearing flashy clothes, pursuing achievement or accolades
Inclusion: Beliefs like, “people don’t care if I am there or not,” or, “I need to do or be more,” assuming you are not invited, waiting to be invited without expressing interest, showing off, making demands, attempting to control
Practice
Reading through the list above, what do you recognize in yourself? What might be a baby step in the direction of beginning to dissolve the nourishment barrier you recognized?