Practice Appreciation: Skill 4: Express Three Types of Appreciation

Each MCD Relationship Competency identifies 6 Skills, along with specific practices for learning each. For more context about MCD Relationship Competency 1: Appreciation, see Skill 1: Express the definition and purpose of appreciation, Skill 2: Express what’s working, and Skill 3: Empathy for appreciation.

There is tremendous power in embodying and expressing gratitude and appreciation. Spiritually, it helps you enter the flow of giver, receiver, and gift, and the field in which these three are indistinguishable.

Energetically and emotionally it lifts and expands you. 

Mentally, you see more clearly and specifically what matters most. 

Physically it regulates your nervous system and relaxes your body.

Thus, I want you to have as many ways as possible to celebrate life and express appreciation.

Skill 4: Express Three Types of Appreciation

Here are three possibilities for expressing appreciation.

1. Positive feedback

Positive feedback includes the specific behavior which met needs, and the needs that behavior met. Ideally positive feedback is given five times more often than feedback about unmet needs.

2. Celebrating needs met as a quality in another

In this context, celebrating qualities is really another form of expressing a need, but it is more colloquial. When expressing appreciation by celebrating a quality that another brings, express the observation along with the quality.  

For example, it might sound like this:

“Tonight at dinner with my parents I really appreciated the warmth and humor you brought to our time together. Thank you.” 

OR

“Thank you for your gentle spirit, I notice I relax in your presence.”

3. Identity appreciation

Identity appreciation is a particularly powerful way to contribute to another's need to be seen and known, in addition to connecting with a deep value of yours. 

It also helps you see and understand more fully how someone organizes their life, which might help meet your need for inspiration as well.

An identity appreciation, might sound something like this: 

 “I see you as someone who is dedicated to bringing compassion to your relationships.”  

Note that this is not a label. You are not telling the other person who they are— for example, you are not saying “You are a compassionate person.”  Rather, you are expressing what you perceive regarding how that person organizes their priorities and directs their life energy. 

Here are key phrases that will help you enter into identity appreciation: 

“I see you (or experience you) as someone who is…

Dedicated to…

Passionate about…

Cares deeply about…

Committed to…

PRACTICE:

This week choose one of these three to practice with in a particular relationship or environment.