Practice Emotional Security: Skill 1: Using specific neutral observations, share with significant others what emotional security and responsiveness looks like for you

When you are grounded in emotional security, your relationships change dramatically. Instead of being potential sources of hurt, threat, or confusion, they become sources of caring, joy, and support.

Emotional security is a relational confidence in which you are experiencing a felt sense of trust that you can be received and held with care by others, and that all aspects of your experience are acceptable and can be met with care and comfort. Emotional security is often confused with enmeshment, which is a push for closeness or merging that is actually/on the contrary driven by insecurity.

Understanding what contributes to emotional security for you and others allows you to build this important resource. While there are some universal behaviors that can contribute to security such as eye gazing, receiving care and comfort, and consistent responsiveness, it’s essential to know what strategies most support you. When you know what you can receive easily, you can consciously strengthen your sense of emotional security both within yourself and within a relationship.

There are multiple articles on emotional security in our archives. This one is a good place to start.

Skill 1: Using specific neutral observations, share with significant others what emotional security and responsiveness looks like for you 

Here are some examples of behaviors that are likely to contribute to emotional security when they are offered from warmth and care:

1. Empathy guesses that are offered when you share something emotional

2. Someone repeats back what they heard you say

3. Someone’s facial expression changes to match yours

4. Someone offers a spontaneous celebration of you and the needs you meet for them

5. Someone remembers and asks about things that you have shared about yourself

6. Someone offers a gift that is aligned with your values

7. Someone collaborates with you regarding something you care about

8. Someone trusts you with something precious

9. Someone asks questions to understand more of what you are sharing

10. Physical affection

Practice

Reflect on a relationship in which you would like to cultivate more emotional security. Identify which of the list of ten things above you already do with regularity. Now choose one that you don’t do consistently and set your intention to offer this at least once in the coming week.