Building a New Yurt - From Couples to Community
Yurts are my favorite dwelling structure. In a yurt, wooden beams revolve around a center ring which holds the structure up with equalizing support. The structure is balanced, strong, and integrated with the earth. The center ring is that from which every other part flows. I like this metaphor for organizing and reflecting upon our lives. It asks how each dimension of our life fits together in a way that creates balance, integrity, and strength.
Popular culture and capitalism promotes the idea that the romantic relationship should be your center ring around which your lives revolves. Catch phrases like "the one and only,” "find your soulmate,” or “You complete me,” reinforce this idea along with complex economic systems.
When you experience your intimate relationship as the center ring of your life, you believe that your whole life could topple down if this center ring is pulled out. That's a lot of pressure for a single relationship. It's nearly impossible to not be reactive when you imagine the stability of your life depends on one relationship. You likely find yourself trying to make your relationship work at all costs. You might often slide into shut down, urgency, anger, controlling, or desperation.
We are entering a new era. The world is calling us to make community our center ring. Rather than depending only on the romantic relationship and nuclear family, we are being shown that what truly supports life is a sense of integrated community and reverence for the sacredness of life in all its forms.
When your center ring is connected to the integrated network of life, you have the flexibility to reflect on your relationships and do what's needed to transform them; not because you are desperate, but rather because you value growth.
So, if your romantic relationship is not the center ring, then where does it fit in your yurt. If you are use to putting it in the center, it might feel a little jolting to let it be one of the many beams flowing out from the center. Take a moment and experiment with imagining your romantic relationship is equal to the other support beams in your “yurt of life.” The other beams might include things like: your physical-emotional-mental health; your closest friends, favorite places in nature, colleagues and coworkers, animals, family, spiritual practice, integrity and meaningfulness in your work, forms of play, and creative expression.
Practice
Take a moment now to contemplate the center nourishing source from which all of your life flows in a mutually supportive way. How does this live for you now? Is there something you want to change, remove, or add? What is your baby step right now?