Practice Healthy Differentiation: Skill 2: Name at least five strengths you have that help you contribute to others

Each MCD Relationship Competency identifies 6 Skills, along with specific practices for learning each. For more context about MCD Relationship Competency 12: Healthy Differentiation, see Skill 1: Articulate the core values by which you make major decisions.

Skill 2: Name at least five strengths you have that help you contribute to others

Every relationship at some level is vulnerable to enmeshment and disengagement, two powerful forms of reactivity. Differentiation is the healthy part of relationships that prevents these reactive patterns. Naming what you do well and standing in your strengths gives you a sense of confidence in your relationships and helps with healthy differentiation. Specifically, knowing how you contribute meaningfully to others gives you the emotional resource you need to stay self-connected and name your strengths easily. When you can authentically name your strengths more fluently than your weaknesses or areas of challenge, you will naturally begin to embody healthy differentiation.

Practice

With a friend or family member, share your answer to each of the following questions, standing fully in the sense of these resources as you name them. Share your responses without any qualifiers such as “Well, I didn’t do this yesterday but, …” In other words, say these five things without making reference to their opposites. Ask the other person to reflect back what they heard.

1. What is spiritually nourishing for you?

2. What is the most common appreciation you have heard from others over the years?

3. What is something you enjoy doing for others?

4. What are you doing when you feel most alive?

5. What makes your heart sing?

6. What do you appreciate most about your body and what it offers you?

7. Is there a particular way your mind works that consistently meets needs?